*Don’t pretend you haven’t heard through the grapevine. *Do talk about it, don’t avoid the subject – better to say “I’m sorry and I don’t know what to say” than to ignore the subject. These are spot on! And here are some do’s and don’ts I’d like to recommend: I’m on the receiving end of that serious diagnosis. It is extremely difficult for me to see her doing that when there is very strong evidence that changing those things will help to cure her cancer.ĭo I stop offering this kind of help? It seems wrong of me to just stand by and watch her make it worse. She smokes, drinks, consumes a lot of sugar and processed foods, and gets no exercise. After I offered my evidence-based advice on how she could help herself, she expressed overwhelm and severe resistance. She has since added me to a group called “My fight” where she asked for ideas and help for her fight. I think I was pretty good when she first told me about it, I said all the things above, I’m here for you, that sucks, sorry, what can I do to help… I have a friend recently diagnosed with stage III breast cancer. I’ve learned, with the help of this community, to hold back and be the change I want to see in others. I’m that person who wants to fix everyone. But people who have the courage to sit with you when you’re sad and not try to make the tears go away – that’s a precious gift. There’s no way to fix that, and anyone attempting to do so will only make you feel more alone. My dad died of a terrible disease and I watched his cognition rapidly disappear in a matter of months such that I never really got to see my dad as I remembered him from the time I got the phone call he was sick. Someone to care I was hurting, to stand with me in my pain, and not try to fix me. I’m just afraid I will say the wrong thing.” And I told her, it actually touched me that she’d push herself to call when she was nervous to show her support – because that’s all I truly needed. But as far as a do – one of my favorite calls came from a friend who was clearly terrified to call me, because she kept saying, “I’m so sorry you’re hurting. Thankfully I’ve built more supportive relationships since then. it doesn’t give me a sense of permission to even call anyone and tell them I am hurting. And when the grief storms continue months, even years later. And a lot of people mean well, but either offer minimizing comments (such as, “he lived a good life”), or not much at all. The truth is, it’s very hard to ask for support. When I finally worked up the courage to tell her it had hurt my feelings, she told me she didn’t respond well to guilt and that I should just tell her what kind of support I needed. A friend of ten years actually texted me her condolences (people you don’t know in person posting comments on Facebook is one thing, but this was a very close friend). I was kind of shocked, in all honesty, at how few people reached out to me even when it first happened. I have never had more lonely feelings than I have in the past four years. What most people don’t realize unless they have lost someone is how incredibly isolating the grieving process is. I *heart* you! I lost my father to a very sudden cancer four years ago, and I could not agree more with what you had to say.
#COMFORTABLE ANOTHER WORD FOR CONTENT HOW TO#
My hope is that if you ever feel at a loss for words, struggle to write a condolence message or feel unsure of how to best show your love and support for a friend who’s grieving - this episode will be one you come back to. While the advice in this episode isn’t exhaustive, it does provide concrete guidance to make sure that your intention of offering genuine love, comfort and support is well received. You’ll learn the right words of comfort to truly support someone in way that’s genuine and not trite or, worse, unknowingly offensive. You’ll learn exactly what to say (and not say) when tragedy strikes. Never let your fear of saying the wrong thing, stop you from saying something. If you’ve ever struggled to write a condolence message, a sympathy message or find words of comfort for a friend or loved one, this episode is for you. And too many of us stay silent because we’re afraid of saying the wrong thing. I’ve been wanting to do this for a while now because I believe that people have so much more love and compassion in their hearts than they’re often able to express.īut that’s understandable, because most of us haven’t been taught what to say when someone dies or suffers a loss. In a world where we often learn about such shattering news via text, email or even social media - our responses can be awkward at best and non-existent at worst. Heartfelt, genuine condolence messages aren’t simple to express. The challenge is that many of us have a hard time finding words of comfort, or even know what to say when someone dies.
Whether it’s a life-threatening diagnosis, the death of a loved one or a heartbreaking tragedy - the experience of devastating loss touches us all.
0 kommentar(er)
